Since leaving things that I can’t control up to god I seriously been having some come to Jesus moments.  After reading the breakdown of marriage and sex I make notes of what NOT to do in my next marriage. 

When sexual infidelity is crossed the sacred bond of marriage is Jeopardized. Not only does sexual infidelity hurts a couple’s relationship, but it can cause pain and problems for an entire family.
Though god has established boundaries within marriages to seek sexual satisfaction, he is not a killjoy. In fact he created sex to be enjoyed between a husband and wife. He never intended for marriages to become lifeless and dull. If a couple keeps romance alive in their marriage, the temptation to look for someone else to meet their needs will be much less appealing.

I come to see why my ex-spouse and I are divorced.  Trust and believe when they say, if god is not the head of your house hold, the devil will use it as a playground.  YES ALLLLLLLLLLL Marriages have problems, but continuous lies, cheating and MORE lies does NOT make you loyal.  It makes you stupid and blind.  Trust me I know.  I been that women and have been in a situation where I am watching how I could have STILL been that women IF I did not leave.

During my marriage my ex-husband  was finding himself and was selfish to bring me along rather than leave me alone. It was to the point I refuse to leave because I INVESTED so much of me into him.  After watching War Room I noticed just in that 2 hour span, where I went wrong.  I was so busy trying to change him I lost me.  It was not MY JOB to change him, it was god's job. So I laugh because, K. Michelle said it best, "You can't raise NO MAN".  They say when you look for it you would find it…well I sure did. I found out about each and every girl he was dealing with or trying to deal with. YET I STAYED. The lies, text, mental abuse, sex only when he wanted and the insensitivity to how I felt grew deep inside and caused insecurities. People I knew called me weak for staying but marriage meant that much too me! Through it all I still tried to work it out.  Even after realizing we got married for ALL the wrong reason. After feeling helpless and stuck I decided to go to counseling, which started my journey to re-find me and my happiness.  For months I ask to separate to see if what we had was even real, because I grew tired.  It took him some time to get on my level and respect how I felt, but he did. 

After reading this I truly do not blame him for his actions.  Though I have told him this over and over again, he was just not into me, because he was still seeking who he wanted to be.  While looking for something made it hard to appreciate what was in front of him.  During our separation I give him credit, because he tried.  However I grew tired of the same thing, crying for the same thing and wanting for the same thing.  I was broken, so before I break something that was already broken I asked for a divorce. Our marriage had become lifeless and dull because the boundaries of marriage were broken. We became comfortable in our routine, however NOTHING was changing.  What I come to realize is that marriage is supposed to build us as one, not break us down.  Once it is completely broken it takes more than your will to fix it, it takes god's will.

Can the bondage be fixed?  After getting  baptized I look back and wondered if it could have.  However that was not the plan.  I also would not be the women I am today.  To answer the question, with god and IF BOTH parties put their alllllllllllllllllll into making it work then yes it can.  However if one is still stuck in their ways,  not willing, STILL have a hidden agenda or Loves someone else.  The devil will continue to play and prey....and GUESS WHAT god will let it happen, because through the holy spirit he gives sooooooooooooooooo many signs for you to see.  You better believe though god WILL NEVER leave you, he will eventually wash his hands of that situation you choose to stay in and let it be what YOU want.   Even though he has proven this is NOT what he wants for you.

I share this because some people need to understand the true value of marriage, especially when it comes to sex and infidelity.  I will do it again, this time I will do it god's way.

So at times I get personal so my readers know I am real and deal with real life daily.  I normally write a post the beginning of each year, however 2014 left me in OMG status.  2015 was the best learning experience I can add to my long list of experiences.  I was separated, filed for a divorce, GOT HAPPY, started dating, got a divorce, fell in love, got pregnant and got confused all in one year. So when they say A LOT can happen in one year, they were not lying.  Some say I was moving too fast, I say I been stuck for so long I got happy and free that the connection I felt I went with it.   I was not looking for anything, I was not wanting a ring nor was I looking to even move in OR settle with another man. Not right now anyway!!

I did want another child, which was our common ground and  sparked our entire relationship.  I can not leave out the great communication, laughter, connection and bond we have and still have.  Which I have not felt and seen in years.   He was more then my type, he was my match, my friend. We wanted the same things, but I was clear minded and he wasn't.  Stuck in his past he went back once she realized he was really moving on.  I won't lie that shit left me all confused after all we did just find out I am expecting.  However understanding where he stood I stepped back to allow him to do his thing, because again that was not our plan or goal.  We where two people married for many reasons that we can not explain and wanted to grow.  I keep thinking people are like me and will take chances.  However the more I speak to him and even A LOT of my friends I see it isn't easy for some.  In the end we both got what we REALLY wanted and that was another child.  Was it the right way, well most will say hell no, but for two people who did do it the right way, excuse us for wanting to go half on a baby.

In all I am glowing and excited about my new addition. He is here and I am overwhelmed with all kinds of feelings.  We have a great bond, which every child should see.  It's sad because the man I gave my all too, 7 years to be exact  STILL at this very moment treats me as the enemy of the universe, because I wanted to BE HAPPY and live in peace for the sake of our son.  So when people who do not know my situation ask if I regret leaving, I SAY NO.  Why be sad when I am reminded daily why I left.  I wish him nothing, but the best and pray one day he gets more involved, rather then threatening when he has "money" he will take our son.  That's another story, but money isn't everything.  So I won't EVEN touch on that.

Now that I got what I wanted and learned some great lessons.  I can FINALLY truly focus on me, my work, my business and how to be a great mother to two little men. 

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