Divorce is not good, but Happiness is Better.....My long short story to you
To start off my blog I will share the pain that has caused
me to stop what I love to build up my new home.
It used to be shameful to do this, but I share this for those women who
will not leave a mental abuser because of the fear of being alone or feel they
can't do any better!! With faith and god better comes when you believe.
For 4 years out of 7 of being married I have suffered and
struggle for this man I said vows too to love me. Getting together for all the
wrong reasons I tried my best to still make it work. I did my best to let him see all I wanted was
a family. He has gained so much from me and all I got was drained. He mentally drained me with his abusive
tongue to keep me down and locked in his mind games. Never once did he hear my cry. Instead he put me down more to make it feel
like what happened was all because of me.
Never would I imagine I would lose myself so bad it drew so many away,
because of the pain I gained from him. I
didn’t trust ANYONE!!! To list a few things my family was not welcomed to stay
at our house and if they did come over it was an issue, he tried to get my best
friend drunk so his friend could sleep with her and he touched another one of
my best friends while she was intoxicated. Not only did I stay I lost two
people who I loved. Good thing they know the meaning of friendship, because
after that we became friends again!!!
We have been through sooooo much, but only happiness was
what people seen! They thought we were a team and had a strong unit. Never would anyone imagine the pain I was
really feeling. I mean with him getting
his citizenship, which now he is able to work, learning a real skill that I
went to school for and I have to pay back, tried my hardest to bring the best
out of him and brought our beautiful child
in this world. After all the mental abuse and the emotional imbalance you would
think this man would let me go in peace. You would think he would be happy that
I am finally happy! Wishful thinking right!!??! This man treats me 10 times worse
and as if I did him wrong! He calls me
irrelevant, he hopes I upgrade to better if I could do any better, tells me my
son does not like me and not happy, claims he's happy I left, I'm lucky to have
his son and last calls me evil. Anyone who knows me knows that I can be an
emotional roller coaster I'm a Gemini! However evil I can never be. I wanted to
be happy, so I left and because I left with nothing but our child, a car and my
head high he's mad, angry and bitter. Like in our marriage he continues to feel
he has to prove he is better than me and has to make money so he can show me I
will regret leaving. Sad part of it all I met him with nothing working in a
patty shop and living at home. I ask this question till this day what more
would I want??? All I ever wanted from this man was a family and love.
Something we can build together! Since he was not a man he was busy trying to
find himself and breaking me down at the same time.
I use to be mad and I refuse to let go, because I felt like
I built this man up why leave and let someone else reap the benefits. Then after counseling and some real soul
searching, I finally let it go. I left it up to god and found happiness ALONE!
No arguing, being insecure, feeling like “who I am” was a bad thing and feeling
like I was no good. It took years to be
broken down but a shorter time after I left him to find happiness. I can go on
and on about this and that, but my point is I found happiness. Being a woman
who needs that attention and loves having a companion I am happy to know I can
do without and still be happy.
People wondered if there was any good and I say yes!!!
However when the bad over shadow the good than there is nothing to hang onto!
The best thing was my son! That was the best 9 months of my marriage. My son
brought me the sense I needed to stop babying a man. I did give him a bit of credit, because within
3 months he did more for me then he has in 5 years. Then turned around and told me he only did it
to see if he could do it, then all credits where lost. Silly me!! I don't hate him and I wish him the best. I NOW
know what I deserve and wanted to start over fresh, just not with him. Yes he
still treats me like shit, which gives me more joy to know I did the right
thing!! TRUST me looking at my son made me think, what did I do? Well I found
me and I'm stress free. Not to mention my son is livelier, cries a lot less and
is less anti-social. With me leaving it
benefited more than my happiness, it made my son personality do a 360! I no
longer need to cry or care when he tries to break me down! All I do is laugh at
his old bitter ass! He thought I was weak, I proved him and many others; even
myself wrong.
Fear makes us stay, once you give that fear up to god, he
will help you along the new journey you will walk! He will not let you fall
once you have that faith. A lot I yes A LOT
of new challenges will come along to make you think twice, however you always
got to remember god will not put you through anything he know you could not
handle. Easier said than done I still to this day battle with not losing faith,
yeah I'm human. But I think of the goodness and find ways to keep that faith!
My faith, my family and true friends gave me that strength and for that I am
forever grateful!
I made it out....I did it!
My long short story to you
Mysteria
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